Busy Mom

Sometimes, this is exactly how I feel. I have so much to do and so much I want to do. Then sometimes, I feel so guilty because I am not working and still in school (getting another Masters). The residency application process is kicking my butt and getting to my self esteem. I really want to get back in the clinics and start using some of my medical knowledge. But I am also having a blast being a SAHM. I am enjoying having this time with Nicholas. Watching him grow and meet milestones is eye-opening even after two previous children. I try to keep the house clean, keep the kids in-line, keep my husband happy and find time for myself(I haven't been scrapbooking since before Nic's birth. I am getting a little worried about keeping this juggling act up. If (please God, please let me get into residency for next year!!!) I start working then will the boys suffer? I think Noah and Nate will adjust, but having Mommy at home for a year may make the adjustment difficult for Nic. What if I don't get a job next year? Can I stay at home for another full year? I seriously doubt it. This whole process of self-reflection and having so much out of my control SUCKS. I am trying to pray on it, have faith on it, and do my part...as my mom would say I am tilling my field while I am waiting for the rain;). But it is still hard waiting on the rain!!