So I am literally on a countdown... and it is driving me crazy. I find that I am constantly thinking and praying about getting my dream job in Baltimore. I oscillate between believing the job is in the bag and....near insanity. I am driving Jason and the boys crazy with my mood swings. I want this so much that literally I feel close to tears thinking I may not get it. I hate that so much is out of my control. But I know Who is in control. I am trying to be positive and ever prayerful. I believe that there is a clear path for me and our family regarding my pursuit of medicine. I believe that God has a plan for me..... I keep telling myself (so does my mom and Jason) that there is a Master plan for us. I just can't seem to see around this corner. I feel so unworthy of getting this job and at the same time I feel like I have worked hard to get to this point. I feel like God loves me and this family and that he has brought us to this point for a reason. I also feel fear (I am a little ashamed of how fearful I am about this process) that I have not lived up my part of the process (even though I don't know what else I could have done). This is the most nerve-wracking part of the process..... WAITING, PRAYING, OSCILLATING..... I pray not only for this job but also for peace about the results. I thank God for all that we have been blessed with in our lives. I know that my life will go on either way,.... I know that the Lord loves me either way, ....I know that I love the Lord either way. I just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want this job.
Keep me in your prayers!
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